Phyllis Diller Quotes

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Phyllis Diller

Birthday: July 17, 1917
Category: American Comedian
Type: Comedian
National: American

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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same...

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight....

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off....

Always be nice to your children because they are the...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without...

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out....

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up...

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half....

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?...

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said,...

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back...

I want my children to have all the things I...

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing....

I've been asked to say a couple of words about...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep,...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home....

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned...

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the...

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight....

Old age is when the liver spots show through your...

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture....

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many...

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own...

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood...

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag....

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